The Front Page

Hurts, Donut? did it again, and this time someone scored 163 and still lost

Sam Bowers posted the week’s high for the second straight Sunday — 184.4, another 9-0 against the field. Brown’s Quarterback Graveyard answered a week of regret with 163.6, and drew the one team that could beat it.

By The Tape Desk

A record is an accident. Two weeks is a pattern. Hurts, Donut? followed its league-record opener with 184.4, the week’s highest score again, and ran it at 95.2% efficiency — cleaner than the week it set the record. The all-play was identical: 9-0, nobody within reach. Through two weeks, Sam Bowers has beaten the entire league eighteen times out of eighteen.

The cruelty landed on Brown’s Quarterback Graveyard, which spent Week 1 as this column’s cautionary tale for leaving 62.9 on the bench. They fixed it. They ran 96.1% efficiency, scored 163.6 — the second-best score in the league — and lost by 20.78, because the schedule had them across from the one team playing a different sport. There is no lesson in that for the Graveyard. They did everything right and met everything better.

184.4High score, Week 2

18-0Bowers’ all-play, Wk1-2

163.6Best score to lose